friends
today was somehow a roller coaster and the most averagest weekend day ever. i have quite the pretty assortment of fuckignrb eh thoughts id like to overshare about but everytime i write these blogs everything comes out wrong and they dont even talk abotu what i want to talk about. ive never talked about this but yeah and its ANNOYINNGG!!!!!!!
cause writing blogs is supposd to be a therapeutic process i GUESS, but because i cant untangle my brains snakes of thoughst for the life of me, this is what happens. whatever.
for now i will talk about school i guess. its ok i think. not raelly actually i lied i fucking hate this place if it burned down it would be lit as fuck.
tw// mentions of rape
theres this group of weird incel adjacent (you know the ones.......the racist because they think its funny type peole........) guys in my school whove been weirdly targetting me in some weird shit where they pretend their friends like me and say things like "[my name] [guy name] is in love with you" and it used to be ignorable albeit annoying migraine inducing but the uncomfort i feel just sort of overtook me when one of [the least tolerable one of] them said that another guy wanted to r me as a JOKE\i didnt say anything and i dont plan on doing anything which feels wrong but werftgjkrfe.we3dbjrfiu4oijpwq;nkljkvhdiohi2bkhjvecfohdiphvjrb hoe im not gonna unpack or explain my feelings when they said that.
i hate teenage guys with a passion. and just being a teenager in a transphobic weird bigotted ass school where my friends straight up dont even accept me being trans even after i puesdo came out to them and i just have to play it off like i dont feel mad flipping werird...........whateevrt...............
i dont trust or even like my school friends that much. after i graduate im gonna pretend im moving back to beijing and never talk to them again. ever since i deleted instqagr*m they dont really have contact with me because i never gave them my number, just my inst*gr*m and like one person some other miscellaneous social media lol. which was smart on my part i guess. somehow i feel no urk in my chest lying to them. being two faced feels like a survival tactic at this point and ive lied/spewed so much bullshit i can pretend to deal with them for now.
do i sometimes get worried that my school friends will find my shittalk pieces on them? sometimes. then i realize idgaf
i hate people from my school so bad. so bad. its unquantifiable. i want to cry from frustration. i have one frined (hi) irl and thats it kekkkkk
it sounds sad but i literally do not care somehow. the less friends the happier and freer i feel.
it took a long time for me to accept that i dont consider them friends. i played along as long as i cound deal with it but enough dumb fights and one two many dumb things they say eventually resulted in me finally surrendering to the fact that they arent the people i want to hang around
people from my school are just dumb as fuck and so transphobic (and sinophobic i forgot about that one oops i forgot the like 5002 times ive been called misc. east asian person or their brother or some shit or a dog eater ) jesus christ its annoying and freaky and ive never felt uncomfortable being genderfluid or any troubke accepting it but its fear of being open with it in the environment im (forced to) be at the most thats so frustrating
how many times can i say the people at my school are stupid insufferable amd i just kinda fucking hate them all????? thank you my only real firend my headphones u get me through the day thank you guys
ermmfgn idk how to put this anywhere else but my spanish teacher has creid like 2 times and theres some weird beef going on with her and everyone in my class its kinda crazy. apparently shes in the hospital cause she has a tumor. crazy shit. ok bye
btw i listend to this today i was expecting something different from it (this is the person who made beef - evaboy if you saw that album review from my site (ill update pronuons i used in the review soon btw PROMISE!)) so in the beginning i was a bit disappointed but then i realized its actually aoty (it was released in 2022 but i just discovered it (yo does your aoty have to be released in the current ear it is or like just the album you discovered that year that you love the most actually))